


11:38 (discontinued)

by ashimonaki



Series: guurinpa!! [2]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Other, art school au, love live! sunshine art school au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24855670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashimonaki/pseuds/ashimonaki
Summary: thank u 2 my editor @cryptid.rox on insta <3 tysm!!
Relationships: Kunikida Hanamaru/Kurosawa Ruby, Kurosawa Dia/Takami Chika/Tsushima Yoshiko
Series: guurinpa!! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968943
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	1. let our feelings become one

**Author's Note:**

> thank u 2 my editor @cryptid.rox on insta <3 tysm!!

Chapter 1: let our feelings become one

Art school was nothing like Chika Takami expected. For a multitude of reasons.

For one, she didn’t personally enjoy the loneliness of her dorm room at night, missing another person. She was all alone in her room, blankly waiting for time to go by.

Every day after 4:00 pm, she’d have the same routine. Walk the 11 minutes and 38 seconds back to her empty dorm room from her last class, make some food only to barely touch it, finish her leftover work, call Dia and Yoshiko, and then fall asleep at exactly the same time every night. It was the routine she’d kept since starting art school, all of 6 months and 12 days ago. Not that she’d been counting, of course. 

She also didn’t like the long classes, the worthless assignments. And what was it all for? Graphic Design? 

Chika had no idea why she chose the major. She was good at it, sure, but what did she get out of it? She knew she could, of course, get a job in that field of work, but would she enjoy it? Dia, Yoshiko and her wouldn’t be working as close as they used to, what with Dia majoring in psychology while Yoshiko took theatre. Them not being as close in the work field could take a toll on their relationship.

Chika didn’t like to think of herself as the antisocial type, but deep inside she knew it was a little bit true. She liked to consider herself the type of person who joked around to avoid examining her own complex emotions. She (mostly) did her work, and got good grades, but for what? 

And, on top of that, she found she simply couldn’t relate to any of her fellow classmates. Their similarities started and ended at their shared major. These few similarities weren’t enough for her to make connections with other people, so she found herself sticking to Dia and Yoshiko.

Maybe she was just the classic “class clown that jokes around because they’re so insecure” type of person. That was certainly who she was throughout high school, masking her depression and inner pain by joking around with Yoshiko and Dia. All her other friends had bought her act at first, but soon noticed it was just a mask she wore to not worry anyone. It didn’t work, and they did worry. But she always assured them she was fine before changing the subject.

And they had believed her... 

Chika sighed, pushing the memories out of her head. Class was sure to start soon and she had wasted time that could have been spent getting ready.

She got out of bed, walked into her smaller than normal bathroom and began to start her day. 

Her bathroom wasn’t that exciting since all the dorms shared the exact same bathroom layout, but it was enough for her. A shower, toilet and sink, plus a small cabinet to store her things.  
When she had first moved into her dorm, it was the best thing she’d seen. Her own bathroom? At the inn where she grew up, she shared it with Shima and Mito. And now she had her own bathroom? 

That feeling didn’t last long, though. It became a place for late-night panic attacks about overdue work and depressive episodes that lasted days, and the bad memories took over.

Chika grabbed some of the clothes strewn across her floor without paying much attention to what she was putting on. She couldn’t bring herself to care about what she wore that day. 

Staring at her own reflection, she found herself wondering what anyone saw in her. She was nothing more than an ordinary girl trying her best to pass school and keep her head above the water. Dia and Yoshiko probably had more fun without her…

Chika groaned and rubbed her eyes. Thinking like that was seriously not getting her anywhere. 

She got ready and headed to class.

Chika didn’t exactly look forward to the 11 minutes and 38 seconds walk to class, but she didn’t despise it either. It was somewhat relaxing, actually. Walking through the mostly empty campus, getting right into her music, and letting herself walk on autopilot to her classroom. Sometimes she would find herself joined by Ruby or You, whose art major classes took them along the same route as her. Riko and Kanan also had nearby classes, but their schedules were very strange and they were never able to walk together. 

Today, she walked alone. Ruby had an earlier class and You was at work. Dia and Yoshiko had later classes, but since all of them had different schedules, it was hard to walk to class with either of them. 

Would they even walk with her? 

‘Chika-san!! Chika-san!!!’

Startled out of her music and thoughts, Chika turned around to find her younger friend, Hanamaru Kunkida, running towards her. 

‘Hey, Hanamaru-san.’ Chika smiled encouragingly at the young girl. 

Hanamaru was the girlfriend of Ruby Kurosawa, Dia’s younger sister, so it wasn’t surprising that Chika would be friendly with her. She was a lovely girl, with short brown hair and bright yellow eyes. Hanamaru was studying Special Education Teaching, and they usually didn’t have classes at the same time. It seemed today was an exception. 

‘Hey, Chika-san! How are you today?’ Hanamaru asked, looking at Chika with a warm smile.

Chika paused. She hadn’t known Hanamaru for long, only about six months. She could get away with lying. She could easily say ‘Oh I’m great, how about you?’. But there was a problem. Hanamaru was in the special education department, and she would probably be able to tell if Chika was lying. Her classes taught her to pick up on telltale signs that children weren’t doing ok, and help them. But Chika wasn’t a child, she was 20.

‘I’m going ok.’

And with that, she’d reached her classroom. Chika opened the door and walked inside without even saying goodbye. She didn’t want to. This was already too much social interaction for her on one of her worst days in months or even years. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep, or maybe go talk to Dia or Yoshiko about what was making her like this. Heck, she’d be willing to talk to her therapist again if the opportunity came up. They had left off at a really bad place, and Chika didn’t know if she could go back without panicking and crying. But at this point, she’d try anything.


	2. Is this a fragrance of an open flower?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i hope this was good!   
> as you can see, i can't write cafe scenes-  
> enjoy!

“That particular class was boring,” Chika thought as she walked quickly to the cafe that Dia, Yoshiko and herself had decided to meet up at. 

Dia and Yoshiko were her girlfriends. Yes, she had two girlfriends. 

They had gotten together in the last year of high school. Dia was the one to actually confess first, believe it or not. Chika and Dia had started dating first before the self-proclaimed chuunibyou had confessed to liking them both. 

Back in high school, student council president Dia’s schedule was insanely busy, preventing the three of them from going on dates very often. Also, since both Dia and Yoshiko had to catch a bus home, and Chika could easily walk, Dia and Yoshiko often slept at each other’s houses. 

Which had been slowly driving Chika insane. 

She knew it was nothing she’d done. They now all lived and studied at the same school. They were always 15 minutes and 34 seconds away from each other's dorm rooms. But the distance still upset her. She loved seeing them almost every day or just having sleepovers in her dorm on the weekends. And yet she still missed them. The school they attended didn’t have 3 bedroom dorms; only one or two people could share. Dia and Yoshiko got lucky, the two of them sharing a room which left Chika all alone.

‘Chika!’ An excited Dia yelled across the almost empty cafe, from her position opposite Yoshiko.

Chika smiled at Dia and Yoshiko and hurried over to their table.

‘Chika! I haven’t seen you in forever…’ Yoshiko smirked. Dia frowned. 

‘Yoshiko-san, it’s been less than 24 hours. Did you seriously miss Chika that much?’ Dia looked at a now also frowning Yoshiko.

‘It’s Yohane! And why wouldn’t the fallen angel miss one of her “little demons”! I really did miss Chikachi!’

Dia facepalmed.

‘Hello to you too, Yoshiko!’ Chika said, happily ignoring the pair’s bickering.

This was normal for them. Chika and Yoshiko would do something stupid (like arson) and Dia would be the “mature one”. Not that Chika or Yoshiko HAD committed arson, at least not as far as Dia knew.

‘Ah, Chika, how was class?’ Dia questioned, hesitating slightly.

Dia knew Chika hated her major. Chika loved it the first quarter, but got so stressed out, she couldn’t enjoy it as much anymore. It was a shame, though. Graphic Design was such an interesting subject to major in and it was sad to see her girlfriend grow to resent it, crumbling under the pressure.

‘It was… boring actually! We have to start a new topic and I had only just finished all my work from the last one!’ Chika complained jokingly.   
Yoshiko snorted with laughter, which she quickly turned into a cough after noticing Dia’s disapproving gaze.

‘Really?’ replied a clearly surprised Dia. Chika giggled. Dia even got surprised at things like this. It was so easy to catch her off guard sometimes…

‘Hey! Are we gonna order drinks? My shout?’ Yoshiko suddenly said; a bolt of excitement jolting through her.

‘Oh? Oh!’ Dia sat up straight in her seat. ‘I’m actually quite thirsty. The usual, Yoshiko-san?’ 

‘Yup. Yup. I can do that. I can definitely do that. Will be back…’ Yoshiko said, standing up somewhat hurriedly and walking over to the counter.

‘Is- Is Yoshiko ok?’ Chika asked Dia, who was now frowning over in Yoshikos’ direction. 

‘I have… no idea, Chika… I really have no idea…’ Dia responded, clearly worried.

Yoshiko Tsushima was a troubled child. Having your kindergarten friend taken away from you, only to reconnect with her in high school, and THEN find out that you’d been replaced by a (in her words) “red-haired screaming short girl” is hard, especially while going through mental health issues as well. Story of Yoshiko’s life, basically.   
Growing up, she had awful luck, never getting anything good in life. She also had identity issues, calling herself “Yohane the fallen angel”. 

If you asked Yoshiko her worst moment of her life, she’d say it was the day she was diagnosed with Bipolar. Everything finally made sense, but at the same time, it was worse than before. She’d skip school due to her mind telling her not to go (despite Dia telling her she had to), she’d randomly lash out at people without warning, despite being friendly a second ago, and she’d go through “phases”. It was awful, to her and her friends. 

But they supported her, whether it be coaxing her to go to school, or just making sure she had a good day. 

And she was so thankful for them.

‘Alright! I’m back!’ Yoshiko said, holding three drinks (surprisingly she hadn’t dropped anything).

‘What’s wrong guys?’ She asked, noticing Dia’s frown and Chika looking off into her own little world.

‘Agh!’ The two screamed a little as they were suddenly brought back to reality by Yoshiko’s voice. They had both tuned out of the real world after she had left to order and pay for the drinks. 

‘Seriously! How do you guys zone out so fast? Geez!’ Yoshiko said, laughing at her own joke. 

‘You’re acting weird…’ Chika said, looking at Yoshiko directly. 

‘Hey! I am not!’ Yoshiko protested, pouting as they headed for the cafe’s exit.

‘You actually are, Yoshiko-san…’ Dia said as they walked towards the campus grounds, drinks in hand.

Before long, the three had reached the buildings. Dia and Yoshiko hurried off to their next classes. Chika, however, didn’t have any classes, so instead of going back to her room and crying her eyes out, she decided to meet up with a friend. And that friend was Riko Sakaruachi. 

Riko Sakaruachi was another student who studied at the same school as the rest of them. She was... cool? But alas, quite shy and timid, often sticking to herself in classes.

However, there was one exception.

Chika Takami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh, thank u for reading and supporting! I've decided to plan a sort of "update" schedule! every week or so, I'll update! 
> 
> -bon


	3. even if we’re together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i hope u enjoy! i didn't rlly know what do to for this chapter but i finally finished it! i hope everyone reading has a good day!!

Riko shot up from her seat as she heard the music room door swing open. Of course, It was only Chika, who Riko had invited to hang out with her earlier that day. Nevertheless, she was a bit startled. 

Riko’s PTSD made her jumpy in lots of situations. Animals especially made her anxious. Whenever she was in close proximity to a dog, or just any sort of animal, her heart would beat faster, her chest would start closing off and she’d cry uncontrollably. 

Maybe that’s why she chose to major in music. She could be left to her own devices when working and not have to worry about people accidentally triggering her into a panic attack.

‘Hey, Riko-chan!’ Chika happily said to her as she walked into the music room. 

‘Wow! This room is bigger than Yoshiko said it was!’ 

Riko jumped. Was Chika already on first-name basis with Tsushima-san? How were they so close? 

‘Eh?’ was all that came out Rikos’ mouth.

‘Is something the matter, Riko-chan?’ Chika asked, now worried she’d upset her friend somehow.

‘When did you and Tsushima-san get so close? You two don’t really share classes, do you?’ Riko asked, looking confused as to why Chika began laughing.

‘Ehe-Ehe. Riko-chan, Tsushima-san and I are dating…’

Oh.

‘Ah-! Sorry! She’s never said anything about it! Chika-san!’ Riko spluttered out, clearly embarrassed about not knowing. Chika laughed.

‘It’s ok, Riko-chan! Play me the song! You wanted to play a song, right?’ 

Ah, right. The song. Riko cleared her throat and sat back down, looking at her sheet music.

Quickly, her hands found their way to their respective keys and she began to play, singing along.

“Ohayou, Arigatou, Gomen ne”

“kuchi ni sureba tatta ichibyou no”

“tada no kotoba ni kometa omoi wa”

“isshobun kakete mo tsutae kirenai kamo”

“kokoro to kokoro ga moshimo mieru nara”

“moji ya uta nado umarete inai deshou”

“wakariaenai kara tsutawaranai kara”

“kimi no tonari ni itai to omoeru furetai to negaeru”

“bokutachi wa nandodemo bokutachi wa nandodemo”

“jumon wo tonaeru mitai ni kotoba wo kawasu”

“afuredasu yorokobi mo oshiyoseru kanashimi mo”

“hitorikiri ja kakae kirenai gurai fueteku”

“sou iu mono wo wakachiau mahou”

Riko finished the piano piece and looked up at Chika, who was clearly stunned. It was beautiful. Everything. The way the song flowed together. The way Riko played it. Heck, even how she sang it. It was all breathtaking. 

Chika cleared her throat and then bowed at Riko.

‘Thank you, Riko-chan. That was absolutely beautiful. Thank you.’ Chika said, her sincerity surprising Riko.

‘See you tomorrow, Riko-chan!’

And with that she left the room, leaving a surprised and confused Riko sitting at the piano. Shaking her head, she put her hands back to the keys and resumed her playing.

\------------------------------

Yoshiko Tsushima walked through the campus ground, wondering what to do next.

She was lost, having finished her classes for the day; homework completed (for once) and her girlfriends both having classes still made it… boring. 

She could commit arson? But Dia had yelled at her the last time that Chika, Mari and herself had set a mini fire. She definitely didn’t want that...

‘Yoshiko? Is that you, zura?’ A voice called from around the corner.

‘H-Hana-Hanamaru?!’ Yoshiko almost screamed.

Yup, there was no doubt about it. That was Hanamaru Kunikida. The girl she hadn’t seen since high school. 

And the screaming short red-haired girl was with her. 

‘H-hi Kunikida-san... ‘ Yoshiko stuttered out, not really sure what to say. 

It was sad, really. After all this time, Hanamaru had never once talked to Yoshiko about what happened all those years ago. But how could she? Nothing ever came out how she intended it. Even after reading all those books, the words meant nothing to her. It was like learning the basic language skill over and over again. 

‘H-hello! You’re… You’re Yoshiko-san, right? You’re dating my sister, right?’ Ruby, who had finally come out from behind the wall that she was hiding behind, asked shyly.

‘Ah-? Well, yes… I am…’ Yoshiko said, a bit embarrassed about being asked that question so straight forward.

‘Piggi-! I thought so! Does that mean… onee-chan told me… she was… dating Chika…’  
Yoshiko snorted. This always happened. So many times.

‘Ruby, Dia isn’t wrong. She is dating Chika, as well as me.; Yoshiko smiled, watching Ruby’s face turn from surprise to embarrassment, to completely blushing as Hanamaru tried not to laugh along with Yoshiko.

Yoshiko and Hanamaru composed themselves, and the conversation trailed off. After a long awkward silence, Hanamaru cleared her throat. 

‘Well, Yoshiko-san… Ruby and I… better be going now. Goodbye Yoshiko-san!’ Hanamaru said, looking around to hold Ruby’s hand.

‘It’s Yohane! Yo-ha-ne!’ Yoshiko replied back, smiling as the two of them burst out laughing while Ruby looked utterly confused.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chika sighed. Sure, she had had a great day with Dia and Yoshiko. But it wasn’t enough to keep her serotonin levels up. Deep down, she knew this feeling of self-hatred would never go away, only sometimes be mediated by the good things. 

Did she want this? Did she really want to put all her hopes and dreams into Graphic Design?

Maybe it didn’t matter.

Maybe she’d enjoy it one day.

Chika gnawed on her lower lip, made her way to her bed, and decided she would succumb to sleep, and deal with whatever assignments they threw at her tomorrow when it happened.


	4. have the signs disappeared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter could also be called the following titles:  
> -ruby swears in front of dia  
> -i make my editor suffer for 19 google doc pages  
> -dia suffers: the chapter  
> -mari and ruby seem like alcoholics oops
> 
> ahh please leave a comment if you do enjoy! i tried rlly hard with this chapter! i hope u enjoy!
> 
> also BIGGG TW for panic attacks and mentions of s/h (?).

Yoshiko Tsushima woke up in her dorm room at exactly 6:57 am. This was earlier than usual, she noted, seeing as she had to set up for the play that was being held today. A sleeping Dia groaned as she was awakened by the sudden movement in the room, interrupting her precious sleep.

‘Yoshiko...Yoshiko-san…’ Dia muttered, still barely awake. ‘Why are you up so early…? It’s 6:59…’

Yoshiko chuckled at her sleeping girlfriend. ‘Ku Ku Kuku… little demon, Dia-sama… I’m just getting ready to start my day in the hell zone!’

‘Ok, shut up please, Yoshiko-san.’ Dia replied, now fully awake. Dia wasn’t impressed. Her girlfriend may be a chuunibyou, but she wasn’t a little demon.

‘Good morning to you too, Dia.’ 

Dia smiled at her girlfriend. Yoshiko looked cute, with her hair down without its bun and her purple eyes almost glowing in the darkness. Dia once suggested she should become a model, but that idea was quickly shot down by Yoshiko.

‘Please explain why you’re up so early, Yoshiko-san.’ Dia asked, now curious as to why she WAS awake so early. Yoshiko had class today, but that wouldn’t start until 11:35 and it was currently… 7:00 in the morning. 

‘Ah. That. Well… Riri wanted to set up everything for the play later today, along with Matsuura-san… I think Mari-san wanted to be there as well? Her and Matsuura-san never seem to leave each other alone…’ Yoshiko said, avoiding eye contact. Riko, or as Yoshiko called her, Riri, never seemed to get over her crush on Yoshiko from high school, something that Dia and Chika often acted strangely about. Even though Riko didn’t know the three were dating, it was still awkward when all of them hung out. Riko would be constantly flirting with Yoshiko while Dia and Chika felt extremely uncomfortable. 

‘Oh’ Was all that came out of Dia’s mouth. 

An uncomfortable silence fell across the room as Yoshiko walked into the bathroom. Dia sighed the second she was out of earshot. 

Maybe, just maybe, Riko would get over her silly crush from high school. But she doubted it. They had almost become a couple before Yoshiko fell in love with both Dia and Chika. 

They split off for the final year of high school, as Riko’s family moved back to Tokyo. Her mum decided it would be better for Riko’s PTSD to not be near dogs or any sort of animal that could trigger a relapse or breakdown. Having Chika next door, who had a dog, was the main reason for this decision. 

Worrying about Riko wasn’t doing her any good, it seemed.

‘Dia? Dia, I’m heading off now, you’ll come to see us later, right?’ Yoshiko said, now having her bun in her and now dressed in her clothes. 

‘Yes… Yes of course…’ Dia said, not paying any attention to Yoshiko leaving.

\-------------------------------------------

‘Tsushima-san?’ 

Yoshiko snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at the voice that had called her name. That voice belonged to Riko Sakarauchi, who was standing a few feet in front of Mari Ohara.

Riko gave her a shy grin. ‘I- uh, have these three friends… we all went to high school together. Well, I guess we all did. I went there, too. Anyways,’ She tugged a hair tie off her wrist and reached around, pulling her hair into a long ponytail. 

Tripping over her words in her rush to get them out, she continued. ‘They were, like, the artsy party people who talked to nobody. And they’re still that way. I’ve been friends with Mari for a while, so like… I’m friends with the other two, as well. They’re kind of a package deal. Oh!’ She swung around hurriedly to face Mari, who was setting up props.

‘Can Yoshiko-san come to the party? She should meet Kanan and You too!’

Mari looked over to Yoshiko. ‘If she wants to. Are you into parties?’

Yoshiko gave a startled yelp and made a vague gesture with her hands. ‘I’m like… not… like…’ She averted her eyes. “Like, I’ve never really done anything like that?’

‘Well, you don’t have to. But you can. We’ve got a house and stuff.’

‘Oh, wow.’ Yoshiko couldn’t hide her surprise. 

‘Yeah, it’s not a big deal. Anyways,” She turned back around to face Yoshiko fully. ‘You can come if you’d like! I don’t do well at parties… loud noises don’t mix well with my mental health’. She smiled sheepishly, looking a little embarrassed to admit that.

‘I’ll… I’ll come.’ Yoshiko said boldly. 

‘Yeah! Mari can drive you there if you’d like?. She’s the only one who can drive.’

‘O-okay, thanks.’ She swallowed dryly, already asking herself why she’d just agreed to do this. 

‘Great!’ Mari practically yelled, placing a great deal of emphasis on the word in her excitement.

‘I should…can I… could I invite Dia and Chika?’ Yoshiko breathed, and Mari gave her a tiny nod.

‘Yeah, just lemme know if they’re coming, okay?’ She winked awkwardly, practically blinking. ‘Maybe we should trade numbers? I don’t recall having yours.’

‘Mhmm.’ Yoshiko’’s words caught in her throat, unable to break free. She took out her phone and opened the contact info, before handing it over to Mari. 

Ah, goddamnit. Once more, the confusing, frustrating feelings rose in her throat like bile, but she tried to force them away. 

‘So, uh. Talk to you later, then.’ Yoshiko gave a tiny wave, and the other two girls waved back. Mari handed back her phone, having added her contact information and sent her a message already.

‘See you maybe later!’ Mari said. 

‘See you later...’ Yoshiko managed to get out, before turning around and exiting awkwardly. She heaved a sigh and lingered outside the doorway for a moment before stepping away.

God, what was that? Yoshiko hadn’t had any trouble with conversations since last year.  
Breathing out a sigh of relief, or maybe fear, Yoshiko made her way to her dorm. 

\----------------------------------

It was 5:30 PM, and the sun was just beginning to travel below the horizon. Within the dark confines of Yoshiko and Dia’s shared dorm room, Dia was taking a shower. 

Yoshiko eyed her phone, which had sat silently for the past few hours that she’d been sitting at her desk, playing around with computer programs in an effort to distract from the inevitable choice: to attend Mari’s party or not?  
Right at that moment, as if it had read her mind, her phone buzzed with an incoming message. Yoshiko glanced over at the screen, peering at the notification thumbnail.

[Unknown Number]: yo! im probably gonna have mari come get me pretty soon to drop me off at the house where i can be in a quiet room away from the party, so if you wanted to tag along lmk!~

Oh, right. Riko didn’t have a contact name in her phone… Yoshiko paused for a moment before unlocking her phone and opening iMessage. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard hesitantly as she weighed the pros and cons.

Breaking out of the shell she’d built around herself over years of isolation, with minimal human interaction, wasn’t exactly an easy thought. Yoshiko was ridiculously awkward, and she knew it, cringing inside at nearly every human interaction she engaged in. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to subject multiple people to that sort of awkwardness. On top of that, Yoshiko had no idea what to even expect from a party, as her experiences didn’t go beyond those she’d seen in movies.

Curiosity was also present, seeming to bubble up farther in her chest the longer she entertained thoughts of attending. The descriptions of Mari’s friends that she’d received from Riko were… interesting, to say the least, and a part of her was dying to see what kind of people they would be face-to-face.

A speech bubble containing an ellipsis appeared and disappeared over and over, as Yoshiko watched Riko struggle with another message. She heaved a sigh and decided that, for once, she would take this one on herself.

Yoshiko: I think I’ll come along if that’s ok?

Yoshiko: I wanna see what kind of friends you have lol

After hitting send, she watched as another speech bubble came popping up immediately.

[Number]: OK COOL!! mayb i’ll come walk over to you and she can just pick us up near u.

[Number]: and yeah, it’ll be interesting, i promise. they’re funny lmao

Unable to keep from cracking a tiny smile, Yoshiko began to type again. 

Yoshiko: Yeah, that sounds fine. should I like...change clothes

[Number]: LOL NO just wear whatever  
  
She snorted and sent her final reply.

Yoshiko: Ok, promise i’ll be decent.

[Number]: sounds goooood i’ll head over ;p see u soon

Yoshiko locked her phone, set it down, rubbing her eyes and groaning quietly. 

She managed to spend the next minutes just sitting and staring at the wall, thinking about every worst-case scenario in her mind. Suddenly Dia came out of the bathroom, noticing straight away Yoshiko’s conflicted and anxious expression. 

‘Hey, Mari messaged me, you invited us to a party?’ She said softly, walking over to hug Yoshiko. Dia knew Yoshiko would have agreed without even thinking about the fact she’d never been to a party. Like, ever.

‘... Can you come, please… like, come with me? And could you message Chika...?’ Yoshiko whispered into Dia’s ear, on the verge of tears. Dia smiled. 

‘Of course.’ 

A knock on the door broke the hug. 

Yoshiko opened the door to her room, meeting eyes with Riko right away, who gave her an awkward grin. She rocked back and forth between her heels and toes, and Yoshiko smiled at her.

‘Thanks for inviting me, I... hope your friends like me. Dia is getting changed and Chika’s on her way over. Sorry for the wait.’ Yoshiko said, shooting an awkward look at Riko only to be met with a smile.

‘It’s okay! Mari’s running behind schedule, as usual. I can wait.’ 

Yoshiko nodded silently.

The campus was lit by the pinkish glow of the setting sun dipping lower, and the air smelled like freshly cut grass. A light  
breeze rustled the trees and brought a slight chill to the air.

“It’s so nice out,” Riko observed.

‘HEY! Hey! Yoshiko and Dia! I’m… here... ‘ Chika suddenly appeared, obviously out of breath.

Sooner than expected, a small maroon car came pulling into the parking lot and slowed down in front of them. Mari sat in the driver’s seat and Yoshiko gave her a weak wave. Mari waved back, and the others soon piled into the car with her.

\-----------------------------------------  
The entryway was filled with shoes of varying styles, and Yoshiko could immediately tell that the household was an eclectic mix of girls. She slipped out of her own shoes and looked around the living room. A television stood on a dark wooden entertainment centre, surrounded by a clutter of gaming systems. Further, into the house, Yoshiko could hear a commotion arising from what she assumed was the kitchen. Riko’s familiar voice was mixing with one she didn’t recognise.

‘So, Kanan isn’t here yet?’ Yoshiko heard Riko inquire, punctuated by the hissing of carbonation as a can popped open.

‘Nah… She said they’re gonna walk, I guess this girl lives on campus.’ The other voice was lower and had a sort of home-y tone.

‘I could’ve driven them.’ Mari pointed out, now having joined the conversation.

‘I know! I dunno... This is weird.’

‘Right? It’s not like… like, it’s not like I don’t want new people. That doesn’t matter.’

‘Doesn’t matter at all, no.’

‘It’s just weird of Kanan.’

‘Yeah’

Dia and Yoshiko stood in the doorway, hesitant to give up eavesdropping on the unfolding conversation. Dia kicked off her shoes and tossed her bag onto the couch, paying little mind to where either landed. Gingerly, Riko took a step into the house, and the other two followed suit. ‘Oh, it’s you.’ The unfamiliar voice spoke with mock-dread, and Mari cackled in response. ‘How’s it going?’

‘It’s me! Plus three.’ Mari reached the entrance to the kitchen, and Yoshiko sidled up next to her, peering into the room. ‘This is Yoshiko, Riko has Theatre class with her and stuff.’

Yoshiko was finally able to get a good look at the other girl, whose familiar face immediately struck her.. The first thing she noticed was that she was short as hell. This was highlighted when she stood next to Ruby, who had just appeared out of nowhere. Her hair was dyed a golden brown, and to Yoshiko, her welcoming smile didn’t quite seem real.

‘Oh! Hey!’ She cautiously set down the drink she was holding and reached out to shake Yoshiko’s hand. ‘Good to see you again!’ Something about Hanamaru’s face and demeanour made Yoshiko feel at ease, and she took the girl’s hand in her own. Her palm was soft, and Yoshiko felt a little tinge of nervousness about her own rough palm, but seemingly unbothered, Hanamaru shook it anyway. 

‘Hello again Hanamaru-san, thanks for having me.’ Yoshiko managed a small smile back.

‘This is gonna be so fun.’ Mari exclaimed, clapping her hands together as she pushed her way into the kitchen. ‘Dia~! Do you want anything to drink?’. Her voice caught Dia’s attention, and she swivelled sharply. 

‘Um… I’ll have whatever.’ Dia replied with an awkward chuckle, standing uncomfortably in the door frame.

‘Oh, make yourself at home,’ Riko shouted to the guests as she rummaged through the fridge as if it were her own. ‘I’ll be heading to my room after I get this drink.’

Hanamaru turned back to Mari. ‘But, yeah. She said she’d be here soon.’

‘Mmm.’ Mari took a sip of her drink. ‘Well, I guess we’ll see how this goes.’

‘We sure will.’ replied Hanamaru, taking a sip of whatever was in her red cup. Yoshiko shifted about uncomfortably as the conversation trailed off, only to be rescued by Dia’s return, drinks in hand. She held one out toward Yoshiko, who tentatively took it. ‘It’s apple juice. I know you don’t like alcohol.’  
‘Ah, thanks.’ Yoshiko opened the bottle and leaned against the kitchen table; Dia did the same. 

‘Once Kanan gets here, we can play a game or something.’ Mari piped up from the other side of the kitchen. ‘She shouldn’t be long.’

‘They’re taking quite a long time, though.’ Hanamaru snickered. ‘If this is like, a date thing, I’ll lose my shit.’

‘Oh, I figured that was a given,’ Mari muttered, sucking down the rest of her drink with raised eyebrows. Yoshiko took a mental note - Mari drinks fast.

‘Try and keep yourself together, though.’

‘You, too.’ Hanamaru pointed out, taking another pointed sip.

With eerily convenient timing, the front door creaked open. Mari and Hanamaru exchanged a look.

‘Hey!’ A sharp voice chirped from the doorway and Yoshiko turned her head to face the sound. A lanky figure with long, shiny blue hair sat hunched over, undoing her boots. Behind her stood a short girl with almost grey hair, who quickly stepped out of her own shoes. The first girl straightened up, kicking off her boots and advancing into the living room. Yoshiko paused for a second to take a good look at this newcomer.  
She would’ve been an average height in reality, but had a lanky body that gave her the aura of being taller. Her long hair was fastened in a high ponytail, held in place by a simple black band. She smiled widely at the staring Yoshiko, who quickly waved back.

‘Oh, another guest! Cool, cool.’ She made her way into the kitchen, exchanging quick greetings with her roommates on the way. 

‘Hey! Oh, started pre-gaming already, huh?’ She laughed. ‘Aight. Anyways, this is You.’  
She threw one slender hand out and gestured to the other girl, who had found her way to the room as well. ‘She’s on the swim team with me’

The kitchen was now filled with conversation and life, which was all a bit overwhelming for Yoshiko. Chika had disappeared to someplace who knows where, and Dia was off talking to Ruby in a quiet corner. Soon, further introductions took place and she learned the new girl’s name - Kanan Matsuura, a Radio and Television student, which felt very fitting for her. More conversations revealed that Hanamaru shared her major of Special Education Teaching, and that Kanan’s maybe-date was in Fashion Design.

Yoshiko stood and simply listened in, thankful for the quickly depleting drink to keep her busy. Before she realized it, the bottle was fully empty.

‘Woah’ Mari laughed, turning away from the other five’s conversation as she noticed Yoshiko’s empty drink. ‘You want another of those? Try to make this one last a little longer, though’

‘Yeah, sure.’ She watched as Mari turned around and walked to the fridge.

Mari whipped back around, pulling Yoshiko out of her zone and holding out a second bottled juice towards her. ‘Yeah, slow down a little. Your face is totally red.’ She giggled and leaned back against the table next to her.

Suddenly, an awkward silence fell over the other group. Yoshiko was suddenly hyper aware of the other girls, wondering what had caused the halt in conversation.

‘So. Mario Kart?’ Ruby finally broke the silence, crushing a second can of what smelled like alcohol between her hands.

‘Oh, yes. Let’s do it.’ Hanamaru slammed her hands down on the kitchen table competitively. 

‘That’s a perfect idea. Dia and Yoshiko like Nintendo stuff, right?’ Ruby turned to face them and Dia nodded.

‘Yeah, love it.’ Yoshiko mumbled into her drink, smiling feebly.

‘Sweet. Maru, go set it up.’ Mari called over, making her way back to the fridge for yet another time. Everyone else trickled out of the room, leaving Hanamaru and Mari alone together. Yoshiko hesitated around the corner, curious if they would reveal any more of their earlier conversation.

‘Hey, chill out. You don’t wanna get stupid.’ Hanamaru muttered in a hushed tone to Mari as they lingered behind in the kitchen.

‘I’m not going to.’ Mari hissed back and popped open her third can of alcohol. ‘This is to make me chill out. I can’t be sober right now.’

Yoshiko felt a little bad for eavesdropping, but she was secretly dying to know just what was going on. Mari seemed terribly tense. They appeared to be done talking, though, and she managed to tear herself away to enter the living room. You and Kanan were already sat on the couch together, leaned up against one another. The blue-haired girl muttered something Yoshiko couldn’t hear, and her couch-mate giggled in response.

‘Dia~ do you wanna play first?’ Ruby sat cross-legged on the carpet. She patted the space next to her, and Dia obliged. 

‘Ruby is really bad at this game.’ Hanamaru laughed as she waltzed into the room and began setting up the Nintendo Switch. 

Soon she was handing controllers to Dia and Ruby. ‘Here, you guys try to impress your guests.’ she said slyly, leaping onto the couch beside Kanan. Mari followed her lead, settling alongside her.

The living room was alive with chatter and laughter as the two girls selected their characters, and Yoshiko watched quietly, taking slow sips of her drink and enjoying the gentle buzz in her head.

The race began and Yoshiko immediately saw that Hanamaru was playing to win. Ruby was terrible. Like, comically so, and Yoshiko watched in amusement as she constantly got turned around on the track. The rest of the girls became almost like referees, shouting at her to turn around, to do this and that, as she stumbled through the race in the last place. Yoshiko couldn’t help but grin at the chaotic display, finally starting to relax and enjoy herself. 

‘No, you’re fine. You can… keep d--’ Ruby trailed off as the sound of her chosen character falling off the track played from the television’s speakers, cutting her off.

‘Ruby, you died,’ Mari shouted from across the room, and Ruby jolted her hands that were holding the controller. In her blind movement, however, she managed to knock Dia’s drink right out of her hands, spilling the unfinished beverage all over the arms of her cardigan. Dia squealed in shock and felt a cold dread set in at the same speed as the rapidly spilling dark patch on her sleeves.

‘Oh, shoot!!’ Ruby exclaimed once she realized what had happened. Dia grimaced and held her arms stiffly out, the soaked cloth of her sweater sticking to her skin. ‘Here,’ Ruby shoved her controller into Mari’s hands. ‘Finish the race, bitch.’ Mari grumbled in response and began mashing buttons, as Ruby turned her attention back to Dia. She briskly undid the buttons on her varsity jacket and slipped her arms out of it, holding it out to the other. ‘You can wear this!’`

Dia felt anxiety’s icy grip making its way through her chest and up her throat; the feeling of the wet fabric against her arms was nauseating. ‘Um…’ She stammered, trying to scrape a coherent thought from in her skull, which overflowed only with thoughts of “I need to get this wet sweater off me right now, or I’m going to cry” and “if she looks at my hands and arms, she’s going to think they’re ugly, and I’m going to cry”. She opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, searching for words that wouldn’t come out.

‘Okay,’ Yoshiko butted in, seeing the desperation in Dia’s eyes. ‘Let’s go to the bathroom real quick.’ She stood up and took Dia’s now empty drink alongside her own, setting them both down on the coffee table. She gently reached for Dia’s hand, who reluctantly took it. Dia hesitated, fighting the desire to rip her sweater off and scratch her skin raw. “I don’t… need… I-’ 

‘Dia, let’s go to the bathroom.’ Yoshiko persisted..

Suddenly, Dia was hit with an overwhelming wave of emotion, like her chest being filled with hot water.

‘O-okay,’ With a shaky hand, she reached over and accepted Ruby’s jacket. ‘Thank you… sorry.’

Ruby waved her hands. ‘Really, honestly. It’s nothing.’ She gave her a gentle smile. 

Dia made her way to the bathroom, grabbing her bag on the way. Yoshiko hung back to fend off any questions (and perhaps play more Mario Kart). />

\---------------------------------------

As soon as she was safely behind the bathroom door, she let it all out. The helplessness, the overwhelming emotion, the tears. She ended up sitting on the floor next to her bag crying her heart and soul out. Her screams drowned by sadness, her body shaking from the pain.

All her efforts cast away.

She couldn’t tell how much time had passed when her cries were interrupted by the slow creaking of the bathroom door, followed by: ‘Holy shit, Dia!’

It was Chika’s voice. 

She felt the thumps of two short and quick steps running towards her, a bag being dropped next to her, and two tiny but strong arms hugging her tightly.

Dia just couldn’t do anything else but to cry even harder in Chika’s chest.

‘It’s ok...it’s ok...it's gonna be ok…’ repeated Chika constantly in a soft tone while stroking Dia’s hair. Then Dia heard Chika shouting at full lungs capacity.

‘YOSHIKO! YOSHIKO GET HERE! QUICKLY!’

Dia hugged Chika’s body tightly; the last thing she wanted was for Yoshiko to see her in that state. But she wasn’t in any position to say or do anything. 

She heard Yoshiko opening the door with a loud thud. 

‘Chika! What’s wro— oh my God’ said Yoshiko.

‘Close the door!’ commanded Chika strongly.

Dia could hear Riko’s voice quickly muffled behind the closing door and a sweet apology from Yoshiko. 

Chika kept stroking her and continued their tight embrace while repeating softly that everything was going to be ok. 

Empty words for the situation.

‘What...what the hell happened?’ asked Yoshiko in a very agitated voice; Dia could tell that she was walking towards them.

‘I don’t know... but...I don’t want others to see her like this…’ said Chika in a strong tone.

Dia just tightened her grip on Chika’s clothes and kept sobbing.

There was a moment that the room was filled just with Dia’s sobs and sniffs; it seemed that she was starting to calm down  
now. 

Dia knew that Yoshiko was smart enough to see the correlation between the earlier events and the situation she found herself in now. She heard Yoshiko quickly walk over to the door, feeling it rapidly open and shut.

‘Dia…’ called Chika softly; she separated her body from Dia to look at her.

They locked eyes; Chika with a sweet smile and the prettiest eyes Dia had ever seen, and Dia herself looking like an absolute mess. Chika curled the tips of her lips and looked for a handkerchief in her forgotten bag to lend to Dia.

Unable to say a thing, Dia just dried her face silently while Chika rubbed her back. 

‘Are...are you better...?’ asked Chika softly; Dia just nodded tiredly. 

‘What happened...?’

‘I… Ruby spilt the drink on me… It just… I couldn’t… it was too much… my brain just went into overload and I started crying…’ Dia said, breaking into another burst of sobs. Chika frowned.

‘Let’s go back to the dorms. I’m staying with you guys tonight.’ 

Before she’d realized it, Dia felt the heat of tears dripping down her jaw once more. She blinked hard, and Chika gave her hands a squeeze before letting them go. ‘Let’s head out, then.” Chika smiled warmly. Dia nodded.

‘Yo, Dia forgot she’s got 2 essays due tomorrow.’ Chika opened the restroom door and shouted towards the group in the living room. “So, we’re gonna walk her home.’ Dia and Yoshiko stepped out behind her, following closely as they made their way to the entryway.

‘Oh, okay! Sorry, you couldn’t stay long!’ Hanamaru waved to her.

‘Yeah, thanks for coming!’ Mari chirped, still very focused on winning the race against Ruby.

‘Super good to meet you!’ Riko joined in, similarly absorbed in the video game.

They thanked them for hosting, packed up their things, slid on their shoes, and then Dia, Chika and Yoshiko stepped out of the house and into the cool night air.

A couple of moments passed, and finally, Yoshiko spoke up.

‘I found out about why Mari was acting strange… I thought when it ended, things were totally good between them. I mean, those three are inseparable. But I think it messed up Mari more than Kanan. She seems to be a little hung up on it.’  
Yoshiko kicked a pebble with the toe of her shoe.  
‘I don’t really know the full details… I just know that she’s not fully over it, and I don’t think they talk about it ever.’

‘She seemed kind of tense about Kanan bringing that other girl over.’ Dia replied, thinking back to her strained tone before.

‘Oh, totally. I wonder what’ll happen there… it’s kind of unavoidable, especially if Kanan ends up actually dating her. Like, they live together. Something’s bound to give.’ Yoshiko said. ‘I also wonder how Hanamaru feels about all this… I might ask her.’

‘Do you think the other two might feel weird about that?’

Yoshiko hesitated. ‘I dunno.’ She mused over her words for a second, before coming to a decision. ‘She might feel kinda lonely, though, so it might be a good idea.’

‘Mm.’ The taller girl hummed in response. ‘Maybe ask super casually, then.’

‘Yeah.’

They walked down the dark road in silence, the sound of their shoes crunching against the pebbles and dirt beneath them filling the air. Although it was quiet, it didn’t feel awkward, which was unusual to Yoshiko. Typically, if she was alone with someone else, all she could think about was how to get out. 

‘I don’t know why you’d get that impression. I’m really boring.’ Dia replied to whatever Chika had just said. 

‘Heeyy… that’s just not right. I wouldn’t go out with you if you were boring!’ She replied cheekily. The campus came into sight, and they stepped up onto the lawn that led up to the dorm buildings. 

Dia retrieved her student ID from her backpack as they reached the front door to the dorms, scanning it and opening the door. She held it open for Chika and Yoshiko, who slid inside with a grin.

The hallway was dead silent, and the sound of the shuffling of their feet against the carpet occupied the space. The three reached Dia and Yoshiko’s door, and slowed to a stop, lingering at its entrance. For the first time since they’d left the party, the silence felt empty, and not comforting.

Dia opened the door and tumbled forward, falling into bed without even considering changing clothes. She sighed and closed her eyes, finally allowing her muscles to relax after her stressful evening. She shifted to lay on her side, and quickly realized the fabric against her arms was unfamiliar; she’d forgotten to return Ruby’s jacket. Dia took in a deep breath. Something about it was comforting.

Her body felt so heavy with so many feelings that she couldn’t control. She found herself wondering if their weight could drag her down through the bed, through the floor, and further still. 

Taking in another relaxing breath against her sister’s jacket and holding herself tightly, she fell asleep.


	5. as if nothing special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first,  
> @hxneystorm ur mean and a bully :(
> 
> second,  
> this chapter can be confusing timewise!  
> page 1-7 day of hanamaru's assignments/ruby's breakdown  
> 7-8: firework show + end of the semester so they go on holidays  
> 8-13: hanamarus job interview 2 weeks later
> 
> brrr also my twitter is @aguurinpa if u wanna follow! ill prob answer questions in dms about this story lol

  
  


_ Kunikida Hanamaru had reached her limit. _

_ She increased the pace to reach her room, number 27. Every step was more painful than the last. _

_ Every step was a failure, every step was a reminder that she wasn’t up to the task, that she didn’t fit the job, that she wasn’t completing the assignments altered for her, that she couldn’t sing in her choir tone, nor reach her high notes. _

__

_ She started running. _

_ She had disappointed her professors, she had low grades, she couldn’t get the god damn essays right, her role as a leader would be tossed to someone else, she didn’t have any skills related to her major.  _

_ Why was she here? _

__

_ She reached the porch of Room 27 and almost ran into the door, shielding herself with her arms. _

_ She rested her forehead on the door and couldn’t help but cry bitterly against the door with her teeth clenched, holding in the anger, frustration, and sadness. _

__

_ “Hanamaru...?” _

_ She heard a gentle voice, and the world stopped. _

_ She sobbed a few times, and closed her eyes tight with more pain, letting her tears fall helplessly. _

_ It was Ruby’s voice. _

__

_ Ready or not, she was going to have that “talk”. _

\-------------------------------------

  
  


She did her hair into a half bun; she thought about doing the god damn ponytail but dismissed the idea on a whim. 

Upon exiting the cottage, she spotted Ruby still sitting outside. 

Swallowing hard, she slowly shut the door behind her. It didn’t matter anyway - it was the only exit in the place, so she would’ve had to use it eventually.

She blinked a few times and then sighed.

It can’t be helped...

She walked at her slow pace towards her but stopped again when she heard soft sobs emanating from the quiet girl. Her face was bitter and sadness filled her features.

“Ruby?” Hanamaru called. Ruby swivelled around sharply, clearly having been unaware of Hanamaru’s presence a moment prior. “Ha... Hanamaru...” Ruby said softly, straightening herself up in an attempt to regain her dignity. Hanamaru walked to her side with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong? Something happened?”

Ruby just shook her head, the tears starting to spill out again. 

“Damn, I don’t have a handkerchief... wait...” Hanamaru said with a soft tone and rushed inside. She hastily grabbed some toilet paper from the bathroom and ran back outside. 

“Here...” Hanamaru said, offering the paper to Ruby, who took it with a soft ‘Thank you’.

“Hanamaru...” called Ruby; Hanamaru’s frantic concern stopped for a moment as she turned her head to face the girl. 

“Can....can we talk?” Ruby said softly, a hint of nerves in her voice.

Perfect, another “talk”... 

She blinked a few times, trying to convince herself that her actions with the toilet paper should have been enough.

But of course, it wasn’t.

Hanamaru walked back inside the cottage with Ruby, sitting next to her. She rubbed her back slowly and looked at her with concerned eyes.

“There, there...” Hanamaru tried to ease the moment with meaningless condolences.

“I’m sorry Maru, I thought I was alone...”

No one had even noticed Hanamaru leaving the dining room. But now wasn’t the time, or the place, so she squashed that thought deep down. 

Hanamaru didn’t say a thing.

“I’m sorry...” Ruby said again; Hanamaru internally felt a twinge of annoyance, then immediately regretted it. She knew it wasn’t Ruby’s fault. 

“What happened Ruby? Is this because of the assignment?” Hanamaru asked, introducing a sweet tone to her voice in an attempt to comfort her. 

Hanamaru herself had been completely destroyed by them when they told her she wasn’t up to the task.

Maybe Ruby’s artwork during the trimester had also destroyed her confidence.

“I think it’s everything...” she said softly, “I was thinking about what you told me yesterday; I don’t believe I can do it...”

Maru opened her eyes wide and stopped rubbing Ruby’s back.

“Really...?” asked Hanamaru with clear surprise in her voice.

“Yeah... I mean... but I think, I can’t... I don’t fit, I’m not up for the task”

Hanamaru bit her lips.

“Where is this negativity coming from?” asked Hanamaru, trying to soften the situation. 

“I'm like this ..." Ruby said sadly, "I've always been like this… I'm also very insecure ... I don’t know how I got into this school... I promised that if I didn’t get into this school, I would quit being an Artist...”

Hanamaru opened her eyes wide and bit her lips once again.

She knew that Ruby was kind of shy and very reluctant to make a fool of herself (a task that she constantly failed at due to Chika and Yoshiko making her do silly stuff anyway), but hearing this kind of statements from someone who was always talking “positively” and trying so hard to push them further, was a big punch to take.

So she wasn’t the only one who was wearing a mask within the group.

“You’re not being serious, right?” said Hanamaru, in shock.

“I am…” said Ruby, drying her eyes again as the tears finally seemed to come to a halt.

Hanamaru just hummed.

“Isn’t it too soon to decide that? Ruby, you’re only 19... You have your whole career ahead of you...” Hanamaru pointed out, still reeling from this revelation. 

“I know... but it’s one thing to be an artist and something wholly other to enjoy creating art.”

“If you don’t feel up to doing this, then what do you want to do?” Hanamaru asked, trying to steer the conversation in a more positive direction.

“Well... I’m not sure really…” Ruby said sadly.

“Really?” asked Hanamaru, surprised once more to hear these things from Ruby of all people.

So this school wasn’t just hurting her, it was hurting Ruby too...

Ruby gazed up at her, eyes brimming with tears again as she tried to keep her composure.

“What happened during class that brought this on?” asked Hanamaru.

Ruby tightened her grip on the toilet paper, staying stoic. 

“I don’t think you are like this just because of what we talked about yesterday”

“Yeah... well, I got a lot of crap from the professor...”

No kidding...

“They’re holding me to such a high standard, and wanting a lot from me... I just don’t feel capable, I guess” Ruby’s voice started to crack once again.

What should I do...?... What should I do...? What would Dia do...?

“So, when they started talking about my role as the lead artist and how I wasn’t acting like one, it just really got to me, you know? You were right! I’m still young, and inexperienced... and this is a lot of pressure, I just… I can’t!”

Ruby ended her statement and started crying once again; Hanamaru didn’t think twice and hugged her.

She gently rubbed her back and comforted her.

This wasn’t fair

\---------------------------------

It was at that time that Hanamaru decided she would become the “caring one” of the group. That was her role within it, and she accepted it. 

Maybe it was just because she wasn’t looking at the bigger picture yet, but she really felt like this unofficial group had potential. After their party last week, she felt like they could accomplish  _ something  _ together, although she didn’t know what. She’d already begun to fill the role as the caring one as she was always looking out for the others, whether directly or indirectly. Whether she liked it or not, Ruby was right about her being a caring person.

_ So now realizing her role in this makeshift group, Kunikida Hanamaru was ready to start running with everyone else. _

\-------------------

The firework show ended with a bang and a puff of smoke. Yoshiko took advantage of this to appear mysteriously, shouting about her little demons. Of course Mari and Chika joined in too, the three of them laughing wildly as concerned passerbys averted their eyes. 

Kanan and You made brief eye contact before bursting into laughter, unable to contain themselves at the silliness before them. Hanamaru felt someone come in contact with her hand, fingers intertwining gently. 

She looked to her left to see a shy Ruby standing there, her hand in Hanamaru’s. 

They shared a look, smiling at one another. Ruby’s smile was open and wide, while Hanamaru’s was more subtle. Of the pair, she was much more cautious of her actions in public and how people perceived them. Maybe she was just too absorbed into what “First years”, and now Dia with Riko, were doing, but the fact that all of Hanamaru’s attention was all on Ruby was the only thing that mattered, not caring what the others thought for once. 

Hanamaru tightened the grip of her hand that was holding Ruby’s, it didn’t matter for now. She turned back to the front. Leaning back and closing her eyes, she allowed the cool breeze to run through her hair willingly, inhaling deeply as another gust brushed past. Her nose filled with the smell of flowers, food stalls, and hot drinks against the chilly night air. 

It was a bittersweet moment, their last night on campus all together before the semester ended and they each returned home for their two week break. This semester had brought the nine of them together, in a whirlwind of events that lined up just right. Each girl had her own unique dream, her own path, and her own hopes for the future. But in that moment at the fireworks show, as they sat back and silently appreciated the beauty around them, they shared something that no one could describe. Hanamaru found herself wondering if their little ‘group’ stuck together, just how far they could go with the foundation provided by their school. Maybe they could do anything.

In that moment, she felt truly happy and at peace. It was unfortunate, really, that this wouldn’t last long. Of course, she had no way of knowing the complicated and unpleasant events that lay in store for her. She was simply living in the moment. 

\----------------------

Hanamaru felt her breathing quicken as she assessed the situation. She couldn't go inside that room in her current condition if she wanted to even have a distant hope of succeeding.. Besides, according to what Riko had said, she had taken a long time on her ‘performance’, and everybody would be asking why. How could she explain that it was because she wasn't up to the task? How could she face Ruby now?

That idea was enough for Hanamau to run down the hall to the nearest bathroom, hiding while she panicked her way through a recap of events in her mind in the hopes that it would reveal some obvious solution.

This industry sure was something serious; it wasn't easy to become a teacher in Japan, especially for special education. Because the market was so saturated, you needed to do the impossible to excel, and even that wasn't enough.

And Hanamaru was painfully aware of that reality.

She had been washing her face for the last 5 minutes in order to get rid of the tear marks on her cheeks, and rinsing her red eyes to try and restore them. From time to time she drank water from the sink; any flavour was better than the taste of defeat, shame, and failure that she had just flushed down the toilet.

She looked at herself in the mirror; she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness when she saw how pathetic and lonely her reflection seemed.

She couldn't go back yet; she tightened her lips.

How could she not be prepared for this? For the audition, she was prepared and determined to get this job, and now that she had it, she wasn't up to the task. Why? She glared at her reflection, now angry at the girl she saw there. Her messy brown hair was now slightly damp as well, adding to her general dishevelled appearance. 

She hit the sink in frustration. The professors were right, she didn't fit the job at all, she couldn’t do what they asked, she didn't have the skill to be a teacher, she lacked energy, and her voice was not what they thought it should be.

What saved her was that creepy notebook from the creepy assistant, and her kindness.

Hanamaru just facepalmed, shutting her eyes tightly.

She took a deep breath; this wasn't the time to be asking herself about that anyways, her performance was a disaster, and it couldn't be helped right now.

She sighed and looked for a clean towel to dry her face.

_ Damn, I will have to put on some makeup, again... My bag's in the room… _

Hanamaru sighed; just remembering that she had to go back made her feel sick all over again.

She felt really frustrated; she had just stood there, in the middle of that room, receiving so much crap from the professors.

Hanamaru frowned.

Would it have been any better if her experience had gone to a younger, less experienced person? She supposed not.

Hanamaru took her folder and left the restroom, sliding down against the wall and sitting on the floor. She wasn’t quite so distraught as to sit on the bathroom floor yet - that was a low she would not allow herself to reach today.

Maybe if she had said something, she could’ve defended herself. If she’d tried, perhaps it wouldn’t have affected her so much.

Hanamaru sighed again.

She couldn't help but look miserable and dejected, slowly opening the folder that contained information about her and looking again. Maybe she hoped that the results would have changed.

Hanamaru's eyes felt watery again. The professors wanted her to be a learning support teacher, and that meant they didn’t see her capable of leading her own class. And that hurt.

Hanamaru felt dizzy again, the thought of being told she couldn’t even teach a class by herself, let alone running a classroom was too much. She softly traced her fingers over her image and managed to say a soft...

_ "I'm sorry..." _

"Maru-chan?" queried a gentle voice on her right; Hanamaru jumped a little and swivelled her head around to the source of the sound, going even paler.

Kanan was standing above her, bent over at the waist to make eye contact. When their eyes met, Hanamaru almost broke down all over again. 

"Kanan-san..." Hanamaru said in a small voice, closing her folder.

"Whatcha doing here?" said Kanan softly.

"Toilet," Hanamaru deadpanned.

" No kidding~," joked Kanan, moving to sit beside her.

The two of them sat together in silence for what felt like forever, both gazes glued to the toilet door in front of them. Hanamaru felt really uneasy.

_ Why is she here? What does she want? Did someone send her? She saw me talking to a folder, Maybe she thinks I'm crazy... No no, she saw me in this condition! _

"Was it that bad?" Kanan finally asked; Hanamaru swallowed hard, gaze glued to the door.

"What?" she answered in her small voice, trying to play the fool.

"Your performance..." she could feel Kanan had unglued her sight from the door to look at her

"You were crying..."

"Stop!"

Hanamaru cut her off, pulling her gaze away from the door to shoot Kanan a serious look. A single lonely tear travelled down her cheek.

"What are you doing here?" Hanamaru was solemn as she asked.

"Toilet," she replied flippantly, without a care in the world; Hanamaru just blinked, opening and closing her mouth a few times like a goldfish with no sound coming out.

"No kidding..." said Hanamaru, just a hint of humour in her speech.

The tips of Kanan’s lips curled into a small smile. 

Hanamaru kept glaring at the restroom door in front of her, but her gaze was a bit softer now.

"My, Maru-chan you are hilarious~," Kanan said, clapping her hands together before turning around to face her. Her expression was sad, despite the small smile on her face.

“But seriously, what happened there? I heard some complaints from the professors next door… I was setting up for my radio show.” She continued, encouraging Hanamaru to talk about her experience.

“They told me I wasn’t up for the task. I’m better suited for learning support. That’s all.” Hanamaru said as she stood up and walked away, leaving a confused and sad Kanan in her wake.

That’s not what had happened, exactly, but she wasn’t going to admit to Kanan, THE Kanan Matsuura that she’d failed horribly. 

She would never, ever, do that.


End file.
